terça-feira, 6 de março de 2012
segunda-feira, 5 de março de 2012
Fuckin Suicidals...
Damn damn damn, hate you all!!
Selfish, cowards, weaklings. Taking the easy way out, hurting everyone else.
Has it ever ocurred to you that you're hurting others? Selfish jerks.
"because i'm so worthless and i'm not good for anything and all i do is hurt others....." seriously???
JOIN THE CLUB!
How many times have I thought of doing it myself? close my eyes and go away, never to wake up again? I did think about it, I still do sometimes.
but bitch please, I'm not that selfish, to the point of leaving alone those who need me, disapoint those who like me, hurt those who care, not weak to the point of giving up this fight, not dumb to the point of pleasuring my enemies so much. So yeah, think about it.
damn it, so damn tired of being everyone's mother, taking care of everyone and still manage to fight for myself in the meantime. Why can't you people grow some balls and take care of yourselves once in a while? My shoulders hurt from the weight of this responsability, are you seriously complaining that I wont carry everyone forever? god...someone...
shoot me.
Selfish, cowards, weaklings. Taking the easy way out, hurting everyone else.
Has it ever ocurred to you that you're hurting others? Selfish jerks.
"because i'm so worthless and i'm not good for anything and all i do is hurt others....." seriously???
JOIN THE CLUB!
How many times have I thought of doing it myself? close my eyes and go away, never to wake up again? I did think about it, I still do sometimes.
but bitch please, I'm not that selfish, to the point of leaving alone those who need me, disapoint those who like me, hurt those who care, not weak to the point of giving up this fight, not dumb to the point of pleasuring my enemies so much. So yeah, think about it.
damn it, so damn tired of being everyone's mother, taking care of everyone and still manage to fight for myself in the meantime. Why can't you people grow some balls and take care of yourselves once in a while? My shoulders hurt from the weight of this responsability, are you seriously complaining that I wont carry everyone forever? god...someone...
shoot me.
sexta-feira, 24 de fevereiro de 2012
nhenhe random thoughts again fml
I cant breathe.
I cant.
I cant move.
I cant.
I cant think.
I cant move.
All I see is red. It's all around me, everywhere. It's too dark.
I cant move.
I dont know where to go. Endless search for perfection always ends in destruction.
Blood, is everywhere. in my hands. oh my hands...I'm drowning in it. There's so much of it...too much....I'm drowning in lies and blood and i cant get out of it. I cant breathe nor swim nor...anything. Red pain of everyone i have ever hurt...
"the awkward moment u realize u have a heart and it beats" what kind of sorcery is this? what did you do? Why? feelings are nothing but pain.
I dont want to be the one to break you. i won't. i cant.
lets just not end up dead, yes? And I mean both of us.
I cant.
I cant move.
I cant.
I cant think.
I cant move.
All I see is red. It's all around me, everywhere. It's too dark.
I cant move.
I dont know where to go. Endless search for perfection always ends in destruction.
Blood, is everywhere. in my hands. oh my hands...I'm drowning in it. There's so much of it...too much....I'm drowning in lies and blood and i cant get out of it. I cant breathe nor swim nor...anything. Red pain of everyone i have ever hurt...
"the awkward moment u realize u have a heart and it beats" what kind of sorcery is this? what did you do? Why? feelings are nothing but pain.
I dont want to be the one to break you. i won't. i cant.
lets just not end up dead, yes? And I mean both of us.
sexta-feira, 20 de janeiro de 2012
Untitled
The wounds are so deep I need to keep the scars...
To prove there was a time....
When I loved something more than life
To prove there was a time....
When I loved something more than life
sexta-feira, 23 de setembro de 2011
thursday and friday night thoughts
Sometimes you just cannot sleep. Your mind wants to go numb, but you just...won't allow it.
You turn around and around in the bed, and there's no way to get comfortable.
Maybe it's because the one beside you is not the one that makes your heart bleed.
Why do hearts bleed? Does mine wants to match my wrists?
You stand perfectly still in a room of pitch black, laying down and listening to someone else breathe.
In a room full of black, with your eyes wide-open. "what's wrong?"
What can possibly be wrong for me not to be able to sleep? Everything.
The need of making people happy turns against its owner.
"I want you to be happy" so I end up sacrificing myself.
Dreams of endless gardens of white flowers turn into nightmares, forests of petrified dead trees.
"decorative material" is that all I am? Since I am the one that always loves to attract attention but ends up hating "getting down to business".
Forests of petrified dead trees.
Maybe it's because a heart that isn't a whole cannot love how it should.
"I love you with all the little pieces of me" it will not heal. why not just say simply "I love you"? because it isnt true. I love you with everything that's left of me. is it enough?
And when I say "I really really like you..." guess what....I do not love you. I tried, but I can't.
In a crossroads, do you choose the one you love, or the one that loves you?
The one that loves you? Why does he love you? Because you stayed beside him has his best friend, and he wants to bed you. yeah yeah, two kills in the same shot.
You want him happy, you know you are not the one able to do it. Still, you try. And your heart bleeds.
the one you love? he claims to love you as well, but when you need, he's never there. He doenst call, he doesnt answer, he doesn't care. Yet you love him, because a opened heart can hardly get locked again. and your heart bleeds.
But nothing of this matters. For it is not a friend to bed you need, nor someone to say pretty things.
You need a partner. Someone with a "good morning", "good night" everyday.
Someone to hold your hand when you're afraid, someone to hug you when you're sad.
One to share jokes and sweet smiles.
The one that will completely forbid you to lock yourself inside your own cage, the one that will appear unexpected at your door and drag you out to watch the stars.
Of that, there's none.
One that doesnt try to undress you.
One that looks into your eyes and not to the cleavage.
Of that, there's none.
One that doesnt say "you should be more like this", one that says "I love when u do that/wear that/say that"
You need the one person that, even when you're not talking, you feel better just for having nearby.
the one person whose kisses you actually like, whose hugs are actually sweet, whose touch actually feels good.
Of that, there's none. Like that, there's no one.
Ping Ping Ping, what's that? blooddrops falling in the floor, like water in a dark cave. Like tears, if I still knew how weeping feels like.
Like promises left to rot, like memories buried where no one can see.
Eyeliner, blush, mascara, foundation, eyeshadow, lipstick. a hairdryer and some bobby pins. Nice clothes.
Final touch: Your best fake smile.
And no one will see the blackness spreading through your heart.
The time to see people is long gone. now all one can see is the shell, for everyone gets broken sooner or later, and broken people all hide inside their shells. So everyone's alone and everyone's searching for someone while fearing to be found. Fearing to be broken again.
You turn around and around in bed, eyes wide open in a pitch black bedroom, listening to the breath of one you wish were another, hugging yourself to keep away the cold that lives inside you.
Where are you, lost girl? Where is your mind? where is your heart?
Lost.
You turn around and around in the bed, and there's no way to get comfortable.
Maybe it's because the one beside you is not the one that makes your heart bleed.
Why do hearts bleed? Does mine wants to match my wrists?
You stand perfectly still in a room of pitch black, laying down and listening to someone else breathe.
In a room full of black, with your eyes wide-open. "what's wrong?"
What can possibly be wrong for me not to be able to sleep? Everything.
The need of making people happy turns against its owner.
"I want you to be happy" so I end up sacrificing myself.
Dreams of endless gardens of white flowers turn into nightmares, forests of petrified dead trees.
"decorative material" is that all I am? Since I am the one that always loves to attract attention but ends up hating "getting down to business".
Forests of petrified dead trees.
Maybe it's because a heart that isn't a whole cannot love how it should.
"I love you with all the little pieces of me" it will not heal. why not just say simply "I love you"? because it isnt true. I love you with everything that's left of me. is it enough?
And when I say "I really really like you..." guess what....I do not love you. I tried, but I can't.
In a crossroads, do you choose the one you love, or the one that loves you?
The one that loves you? Why does he love you? Because you stayed beside him has his best friend, and he wants to bed you. yeah yeah, two kills in the same shot.
You want him happy, you know you are not the one able to do it. Still, you try. And your heart bleeds.
the one you love? he claims to love you as well, but when you need, he's never there. He doenst call, he doesnt answer, he doesn't care. Yet you love him, because a opened heart can hardly get locked again. and your heart bleeds.
But nothing of this matters. For it is not a friend to bed you need, nor someone to say pretty things.
You need a partner. Someone with a "good morning", "good night" everyday.
Someone to hold your hand when you're afraid, someone to hug you when you're sad.
One to share jokes and sweet smiles.
The one that will completely forbid you to lock yourself inside your own cage, the one that will appear unexpected at your door and drag you out to watch the stars.
Of that, there's none.
One that doesnt try to undress you.
One that looks into your eyes and not to the cleavage.
Of that, there's none.
One that doesnt say "you should be more like this", one that says "I love when u do that/wear that/say that"
You need the one person that, even when you're not talking, you feel better just for having nearby.
the one person whose kisses you actually like, whose hugs are actually sweet, whose touch actually feels good.
Of that, there's none. Like that, there's no one.
Ping Ping Ping, what's that? blooddrops falling in the floor, like water in a dark cave. Like tears, if I still knew how weeping feels like.
Like promises left to rot, like memories buried where no one can see.
Eyeliner, blush, mascara, foundation, eyeshadow, lipstick. a hairdryer and some bobby pins. Nice clothes.
Final touch: Your best fake smile.
And no one will see the blackness spreading through your heart.
The time to see people is long gone. now all one can see is the shell, for everyone gets broken sooner or later, and broken people all hide inside their shells. So everyone's alone and everyone's searching for someone while fearing to be found. Fearing to be broken again.
You turn around and around in bed, eyes wide open in a pitch black bedroom, listening to the breath of one you wish were another, hugging yourself to keep away the cold that lives inside you.
Where are you, lost girl? Where is your mind? where is your heart?
Lost.
quinta-feira, 1 de setembro de 2011
Robotized
What is the single word that could fix everything? I don't know. Does anyone?
"My eyes are hollow like my soul" random sentence from a well-known song.
"Please proceed into android Hell!" wtf?
listening to robotized music now. nothing makes me feel anymore. why? idk.
I don't know why I'm writing. Or do I? I write because I feel like it.
"are you sad?" should I? I don't really feel anything...I'm not sad, I'm not happy, I'm not...alive?
I'm robotized I guess. It would be so perfect...in other situation? wouldnt it?
Songs in my mind right now- Still Alive (portal)
- The device has been modified (portal)
-creepy doll (jonhatan coulton)
-we ran out of CD space (psychostick)
-I wish (skazi)
-vodka (korpiklani)
I feel like cake. but there's no cake. There should be cake. Chocolate cake. Chocolate is good. But as we all know, the cake is nothing more than a big fat lie.
I don't even make sense. Goodbye.
"My eyes are hollow like my soul" random sentence from a well-known song.
"Please proceed into android Hell!" wtf?
listening to robotized music now. nothing makes me feel anymore. why? idk.
I don't know why I'm writing. Or do I? I write because I feel like it.
"are you sad?" should I? I don't really feel anything...I'm not sad, I'm not happy, I'm not...alive?
I'm robotized I guess. It would be so perfect...in other situation? wouldnt it?
Songs in my mind right now- Still Alive (portal)
- The device has been modified (portal)
-creepy doll (jonhatan coulton)
-we ran out of CD space (psychostick)
-I wish (skazi)
-vodka (korpiklani)
I feel like cake. but there's no cake. There should be cake. Chocolate cake. Chocolate is good. But as we all know, the cake is nothing more than a big fat lie.
I don't even make sense. Goodbye.
terça-feira, 26 de julho de 2011
Evanescence - Solitude
How many times have you told me you love her
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth
How long have I stood here beside you
I live through you
You looked through me
Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you
How many times have I done this to myself
How long will it take before I see
When will this hole in my heart be mended
Who now is left alone but me
Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true
Everyone leaves me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind
I can't stay here another night
Your secret admirer
Who could it be
Ooh, Can't you see
All along it was me
How can you be so blind
As to see right through me
And Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you
Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth
How long have I stood here beside you
I live through you
You looked through me
Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you
How many times have I done this to myself
How long will it take before I see
When will this hole in my heart be mended
Who now is left alone but me
Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true
Everyone leaves me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind
I can't stay here another night
Your secret admirer
Who could it be
Ooh, Can't you see
All along it was me
How can you be so blind
As to see right through me
And Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you
Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true
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