rest in Peace

It was me and not you, ou you and not me? I feel like a monster, why? And why do I lie so much to myself? Telling them all that it all feels so much better this way... Simple, keep it simple. Hard n' rough n' fast n' delicious yet so terribly empty. It feels so good then, but so empty later... No, I'll never go all the way on it. Not this way not anymore, I won't do it anymore. Selling myself for some temporary tiny relief from "them". Them, the voices. Them, all of you. The noises drive me crazy, causing me this enourmous headache. Make them go away go away go away, please will anyone make them go away? Alone in a silent room the voices strike again: "whore, liar, thief, worthless, hopeless, abandoned, sold, hypocrit, loner, empty, worthless worthless worthless, you're so worthless nobody cares, so empty that you're dead..." I hug the pillow to feel confort, but it won't get inside me, it won't erase the emptyness. There are no more tears, because I'm already dead, and nothing can erase this emptyness. Maybe no one. I don't know what I'm still doing here in this filthy world of shallow hollow people. Itch on my back, the wings are here, there's no way to cut them off, and I'm not even sure I want to do it anymore. "His eyes have no color like before, like if something died, and it's all her fault" Yes, it is! I know it is. Sick and tired that everyone will just keep on telling me that. I asked for sorry, forgiveness so many times. I begged for it, I fell on my knees and I will not do it ever again. I just keep on falling, I wish I could get rid of this drowning weight. Since that time, my corpse lays rotting in the darkness of this still water, held down by the weight of pain and sorrow, refusing to blend in with other inhabitants of the lake, not standing out of the crowd. After all, just another rotting corpse. when will it get out? when will it let me go? when will I be able to finally rest in peace?